I thought of a quote recently that I have read many times. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
When I really take the time to talk to people past surface level greetings, I find that this is true.
Whether it’s finances, marriage, motherhood, health or ourselves, most of us struggle with something.
I’ve experienced first hand how encouragement and kindness from a friend is balm for a wound.
But often, we don’t know how to encourage our friends when they are hurting. We want to but are uncertain what to do or say.
I don’t have all the answers, but I can share what I needed to hear during hardships I have gone through.
5 Things to Tell Someone You Love When They are Hurting
You are not alone. I am here with you.
Often when we struggle, it feels like we are going through it alone and no one else understands. Even if you don’t understand, just let your loved one know that you are there for them and you aren’t going anywhere.
You are strong. You will get through this.
Ladies, we are strong. We have done hard things, but we usually don’t give ourselves any credit or see our own strength. That’s exactly why we all need friends in our lives that will tell us what they see in us. So call out the strength and endurance you see in your loved ones.
When you are tired of being strong, you can lean on me.
Even the strongest women get tired sometimes and want to quit. Remember in the Bible when Moses was so tired from holding his staff up that Aaron and Hur helped hold his arms up? (Go read Exodus 17 for the whole story. It’s a good one.) We all need Aarons and Hurs in our lives. Let your loved one know they don’t have to be strong for you. Let them know that you want to be their strength.
Can I pray for you?
It’s one thing to tell someone you are praying for them. But it’s a whole other thing when they know you prayed for them. I’ve found a few ways to do this:
- Let your loved one know when you pray for them. (ex. I just prayed for you, my friend.)
- Tell them what you prayed for.
- Pray with them in person.
How can I help you? And push for a real answer.
How many times has someone asked you if they can help you and you’ve said, “Oh, I’m fine.” None of us want to be bothersome or inconvenience anyone else. But, a true friend knows it is just a front. Either ask your loved one until they give you an answer, or suggest a way to help and see if they agree or suggest something else.
All of these are ways you can encourage your loved ones who are hurting, but they can be delivered in different ways. You can send your friend a handwritten note, call them, visit them or send them a voice message.
And, here’s a bonus thing you can do. Give your loved one a hug. There is something about physical touch from someone we love that soothes every soul.
The most important thing you can do for a hurting loved one is to just be there. And keep showing up. It can be uncomfortable to sit with someone who is hurting. But what they need more than anything is your presence and a listening ear.
I pray that you feel better prepared for the next time someone you love is hurting and needs you.
If there are other things you do to help a loved one who is struggling, please share. Email me or send me a direct message on Instagram.
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