I think we all have a tendency to seek out people who are like us. We like to surround ourselves with people who look like we do, who vote like we do, who dress like we do, who have the same beliefs that we do.
Sometimes, we do this because it is comfortable. We like who we are, so we seek out others that validate our way of life. Other times, I think we do this because we are scared. We don’t really know how other kinds of people think, and what we don’t know or understand scares us.
A couple of years ago when I read Chip Gaines’s book, Capital Gaines, I came across this quote:
“If I populate my life with people just like me, then my world is going to be mighty small, indeed—maybe one person deep in all directions. If there are no opposing views, no fresh vantage points, then there is no stretching beyond myself. No growth. No change.”
Chip Gaines
As you can imagine, moving from the South to Salt Lake City was quite a culture shock. Suddenly, there were a lot more people with different religions, different political views, different experiences, and different lifestyles. At first, I thought that was a bad thing, but now I am starting to see differently.
Chip is right. The more I listen to other people’s experiences and beliefs, the larger the world gets.
And that’s not the only reason to seek out people who are different than you.
7 Reasons We Should Have Friends Who Are Different Than Us
1. It challenges black or white thinking.
It’s easy to look at people who are different than you and say, “I am right and they are wrong.” But really getting to know someone who thinks differently helps us see that some issues may not be so black and white.
2. You are able to learn from other people’s experiences.
Others have lived in different places and had experiences that I haven’t had. If I really listen, I can learn things and have my perspective broadened just by hearing their stories.
3. It makes you more empathetic.
Having a strong, absolute opinion on an issue is easy. But when you actually get to know someone who believes differently, it makes us more empathetic. That doesn’t mean we change our beliefs, but suddenly, those on the “other side” have a face. And we understand that those people have real feelings and real reasons for their beliefs.
4. It strengthens your own beliefs.
If you are going to have a conversation with someone about what you believe, by golly, you better know what you believe and why you believe it. Reasons like “it’s the way I was raised,” or “that’s what I saw in the media,” are not good enough. You have to do your own research and be sure of your own beliefs.
5. It corrects your ignorance.
You know what they say about making assumptions, right? Well, I think we all make assumptions about people who are different than we are. But actually getting to know those people shatters our ignorance. We replace those assumptions with truth.
6. It matures us.
Mature people know how to agree to disagree with someone. Mature people can have friends with whom they do not see eye-to-eye without trying to “fix” them.
7. It follows Jesus’s example.
You notice in the Bible that Jesus didn’t seclude himself and only spend time with other Jewish religious leaders, aka Pharisees. His 12 closest friends were not church leaders, and he associated with people who were outcasts in Jewish society.
Now, let me add a caveat. We should have people who are different than us in our circle, but that isn’t our whole circle. We should also have people close to us who do share our beliefs and values. Those are the people who encourage us and who help us grow in our faith and maturity.
I know that what I’m suggesting is uncomfortable. It is for me too. But I know that I am not called to live a comfortable life. And I don’t think you are either.
It is way past time to break down the walls that separate us. Let’s listen to each other and learn from each other. We will be better people for it.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me or message me on Instagram.
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