This whole motherhood thing is still relatively new to me. I am in the season of parenting little kids, so there is little advice I can offer about life with school-aged kids or teens, other than what I know from being a kid myself.
But that’s the beauty of community. While I have more to offer on being a mom of littles, others can offer wisdom on being a mom of bigger kids. And, that’s why I’m thrilled to introduce you to a mom who’s been at this longer than I have and can share her tips on how to connect with your teen.
Guest post from Susie of Worthylivingmom.com
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I really want to know what is going on inside the heads of my teens!
I want to know what their struggles are, what wins have they had in their life, and how their friendships are.
I have three teenagers, and I desperately want to have a close relationship with them. I want them to feel comfortable sharing anything with me.
Sometimes I feel like they hide things. Maybe they are embarrassed or think I won’t understand. They forget that I was their age- and it really doesn’t seem that long ago.
Knowing my desire to connect with my teens, the Lord prompted me to start something with my daughter a few years ago during a brief period of homeschooling.
The assignment that started it all.
It all started with a writing assignment she had to write responses to questions I would ask her. The questions were to be written in a journal. Her task was to respond to the questions and return the journal so the process could begin again. And, she could ask me questions too.
So, I asked all sorts of questions about her life, what she was reading, and what was making her the most happy or sad.
It was a joy to see her write and express herself on a little deeper level than when we talked in person.
I named it the Back and Forth Journal.
Its success spurred me to create a journal again, this time for my boys.
But will it work with boys?
We already had journals for each of our kids. We use them to write notes for their birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or just when we think they might need a little encouragement.
I decided I would begin a Back and Forth Journal with each of them.
In each of their journals, I asked these 4 questions:
- What is the one thing that makes you the most happy right now?
- What is your greatest challenge or struggle you have right now?
- How can I pray for you?
- Do you have anything else you want to talk to me about or questions you have for me?
I gave the journals to them and explained what I was doing. I didn’t give them a time frame, but I did coax them a little by buying their favorite drink when they returned it.
What I learned surprised me.
I was astounded when my 13 year old handed me his completed journal within 30 minutes. It was like he was so excited to communicate with me, he just wasn’t really sure how.
It took a little longer with my other two, but they all did it.
I was able to get a glimpse into their hearts and minds through this little exercise.
Here are some insights I gleaned from what they shared:
- One son’s greatest struggle is dealing with his youngest two brothers (ages 8 and 10). I’ve seen him get so angry with them, and it hurts as a parent. To hear him express it as a struggle was actually a relief for me. He does feel bad! He said he often yells or hurts them without thinking, but he doesn’t usually doesn’t mean what he says or does.
- One son wanted me to pray for his class because they don’t get along very well and to pray that he would get along better with some of his classmates. He thanked me for always supporting him and not yelling at him like other parents. We talk to him after a game, rather than yelling during the game. He said this makes him feel better.
- The best line one son wrote was, “Thank you for always being there for me and raising me to love God.”
This was such a gift from God to read those words. Parenting is often a thankless job, so reading those words filled up this mom heart to the brim.
I also learned about things going on in my daughter’s life.
She has a good friend whose struggle with anxiety and depression continues to worsen. Her friend is withdrawn, cuts herself, and doesn’t want to talk much to my daughter. They used to be best buddies, and I miss their giggles when she would come over to play in their early years. This is heartbreaking for me. And, it also helps me understand the deep pain and struggle my daughter is having as she sees her friend go through this. Her only prayer request is for me to pray for this friend. Oh, I will.
This is just a glimpse of the deeper understanding I have gained through using this simple little Back and Forth Journal.
You can use any notebook as a journal. I picked out some small leather ones of varying colors for my sons, and a pretty floral design for my daughter. I found mine at Walmart, but if you wanted to spend a little extra and get something of a little more value, you could shop around.
I hope this inspires you to connect deeper with your teen son or daughter. This may work for a younger child as well if they don’t mind writing or in an electronic form if your son or daughter is away at college.
I have found my children to be a little more willing to share openly in writing as opposed to face-to-face.
In addition to using a Back and Forth Journal, I have also been purposeful about praying for my kids.
Sometimes, it is hard to know how to pray for our children, but one thing I try to pray them to develop Christ-like character. I pray them to grow in diligence instead of laziness, to foster peace instead of anxiety, and to cultivate joy instead of anger or bitterness.
It can be hard to find words to pray, which is why I created a FREE set of 5 prayer cards that will help you pray for your kids to develop Christ-like character. Sign up to get yours today.
Susie lives with her husband Brad and 5 kids- 1 daughter and 4 sons. They live on a farm and raise sheep. Susie loves to garden and cook. She blogs at worthylivingmom.com to encourage and support women where they are in their walk with God and to inspire them to take the next step by sharing her own struggles and triumphs.
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