The hardest part of managing your time well is deciding what not to do.
We can delegate some things to our family, we can hire people to do others, we can find faster and better ways to do things, but if you really want to get off the hamster wheel, you have to stop doing some of the things you are doing right now.
Because every time you say yes, whether verbally or just in your mind, you are giving mental space to that thing. It is another thing you have to devote mental and physical energy to.
Unfortunately, energy is a limited resource, so by saying yes to the thing you felt guilted into, you just said no to something you really wanted to do.
Some people would suggest that you stop apologizing, stop worrying, or stop comparing yourself to others, and while those are great points, I wanted to focus on practical things you should put on your stop doing list.
13 Things to Put on Your Stop Doing List
1. Stop finishing your to do list.
Sadly, adults don’t get gold stars for checking everything off our to-do lists, so stop pushing yourself so hard to get everything done.
It’s more important to get the right things done than all the things done.
If this is something you struggle with (like me), I encourage you to purposefully leave at least 1 thing unfinished at the end of the day just to prove to yourself you can.
2. Stop keeping a spotless home.
The most inviting homes aren’t the cleanest; they are actually the ones that look a little lived-in. Keep up with the main things like cleaning the kitchen, bathrooms, and floors, and relax a bit with everything else.
Sometimes good enough is good enough, and I think that applies to cleaning.
3. Stop volunteering for everything at school
Our schools and teachers have very important jobs, and they need support from parents. And your child needs to know that you care about their education.
But that doesn’t mean you have to join the PTA or sign up for every volunteer opportunity they advertise. Be aware of your skills and volunteer to help in the way you can best serve.
Set boundaries on how much time you can give to the school, and don’t let yourself be guilted into going beyond that.
4. Stop being active in every organization.
I certainly applaud and admire women who are involved in their community. Joining volunteer organizations, nonprofits, mom groups, hobby groups, church groups, etc. are all worthy ways to spend your time.
But that doesn’t mean you have to attend every meeting or every event. Talk to your family and set boundaries about how much time you can spend each month on these activities.
5. Stop attending every activity for your child.
Give me a chance here before you send me hate mail. It is very important that our kids feel supported in their activities. So, when you sign your child up for dance, baseball, or the academic team, just know that you’ll be attending every recital, tournament, and meet.
But, that doesn’t mean you have to be present at every practice. And even if you do need to be there, don’t feel bad about taking your own stuff to do like a book, work, or a craft.
6. Stop carrying for your home by yourself.
Even if you don’t work outside the home, it shouldn’t be your sole responsibility to care for your home. There are other people who live there, other people who make messes, and other people who should help upkeep it.
Start with your husband and get him on board to take responsibility for a couple of the tasks. Then call a family meeting and ask your kids to choose which tasks they want to handle.
7. Stop going to every family event.
Don’t tell your in-laws that you heard this from me, but you aren’t obligated to go to every graduation, baby shower, or Sunday meal that your extended family hosts.
When you get married, you create your own new family, and that family gets to decide what events they can attend.
Making this change will probably ruffle some feathers, but it will go more smoothly if you have conversations with your extended families before an event comes up.
And, if there is an event you choose not to attend, be sure to send a card and/or gift if applicable so they know you care.
8. Stop accepting every work assignment or opportunity.
If you work for an employer, you often don’t have the ability to choose what you will or won’t work on. However, keep in mind that you can choose what you volunteer to take on. If it isn’t a good time for you to take on extra work, don’t volunteer to do it.
If you have your own business or side hustle, you do have the ability to choose who you work with and what you work on. It is hard to do in the beginning stages, but no amount of money is worth having to deal with a difficult person.
9. Stop watching all the popular TV shows.
Watching every episode of The Bachelor, This Is Us, and Tiger King will give you something to talk to your girlfriends about, but don’t watch them just because of FOMO.
If you love a show, then by all means, don’t miss an episode. But don’t feel like you have to keep wasting your time watching it just because “everyone is talking about it.”
10. Stop trying every new diet program.
If there was ever a waste of time, it’s this. How much time, money, and energy do we all waste worrying about those 10 lbs we need to lose or stewing over the new diet that everyone else is doing and we should probably do too?
Seriously, stop. If you want to (not think you should) get healthier, you don’t need a program.
Eat more foods that fuel your body and move more. Check out my post on intuitive eating LINK to read my story.
11. Stop doing everything for your family.
It’s true that you can do many things better, faster, and easier than everyone else, but do you really want to be cooking 3 meals, cleaning rooms, and washing clothes for your 18-year-old?
They will do everything poorly for a while, but you are doing your family a favor by teaching them how to care for themselves.
12. Stop checking your email or social media all.the.time.
I am the worst at this. I would be embarrassed if I actually counted the number of times I check my email in an hour. You would think that I regularly get emails with urgent requests, but that rarely happens.
Most of us really only need to check our email 2-3 times per day, and social media even less than that.
13. Stop shopping for things you don’t need.
Shopping can be a lot of fun, and getting more things can be fun, but they can also become unhealthy habits.
I recently read Emily Ley’s book “When Less Becomes More” and she made a point many of us have stopped being resourceful. We automatically purchase things instead of borrowing from a friend, fixing them, or making something.
How often do we pause before we purchase? Even if you can buy an item, should you?
I am not saying any of these changes will be easy. Many of these behaviors are deeply ingrained and may involve upsetting other people.
This interview I did with the Moms Called to More podcast is a great resource on setting boundaries and dealing with other people’s expectations.
Be honest. Be loving. Be brave.
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